Sometimes we want to get it on in weird places. McDonald’s restroom, a cemetery, inside a jail cell. But never have sex on the beach! You will regret it!
1. Anyone could see you. Kids, nuns, aliens. How do you think they feel? Do you really think we want to see your pale hairy ass going up and down on some whale? I mean some might but that is what FETLIFE is for.
2. All your shit gets lost in the sand. Your wallet, keys, shoes. Everything you will have to dig for it. When you been going at it for hours (or minutes depending on who you are) you stop paying attention to where you lost your crack pipe because you are high off of sex. You might even need to dig the whale out of the sand.
3. Sand crabs are curious. Want your privates pinched? See I think not. It might fall off....
4. Ever had anything moist mixed with sand? Have you ever had sex with 40 grit sand paper? Well if your on FETLIFE you might have but keep that to yourself.
5. Surf fisherman can leave you hanging during beach sex. Ever have a fishing hook end up in your ass? It isn’t like playing with hot wax let me tell you.
What have we learned? Its stupid to have sex on the beach!!